First breath in and then breath out,
Is a rule to never flout.
And after lying down from strain,
Make sure you stand back up again.
To ensure your life is kept on track,
Don’t have a major heart attack.
These rules will keep you safe and sound,
Not decomposing underground.
© Copyright Philip Barton 5 September 2008 All Rights Reserved
Of all the cups of tea I’ve drunk,
This one was one to savour.
But a little biscuit did a dunk
And buggered up the flavour.
© Copyright Philip Barton 11 July 2012 All rights reserved
The world needs an energy blueprint
A new and sustainable way.
We’ll reduce our energy footprint
By sitting around all day.
We’ll not go on planes or in cars,
No more rocket ships off to the stars.
We’ll sit on a seat,
And watch movies and eat.
While writing our memoirs.
© Copyright Philip Barton 9th March 2011. All rights reserved
It was a love that was blind,
They were deaf to appeals.
As their toes entwined,
They fell head-over-heels.
© Copyright Philip Barton 17 December 2018 All rights reserved
People with shoes that are narrow
Topple sideways and land on their ear.
Whereas people with shoes that are short
Fall on their face and sometimes their rear.
So no matter what size your feet are,
Buy sixteens, always extra wide.
And you’ll be stable and fast
Over distances vast
As they’ll enormously lengthen your stride.
© Copyright Philip Barton 3 April 2011. All Rights Reserved.
The number of children that tigers eat.
Has become of concern to some.
The mess that they leave, leads some to believe,
That a dietary change needs to come.
So a boy with a bucket of beetles set out,
With high hopes and a sunny smile.
He was chatting with tigers, that looked full of doubt,
But he’s not been seen for a while.
© Copyright Philip Barton 23 September 2010 All rights reserved
An alligator glumly ate a
Recently departed.
Then quite content,
Without lament,
He whistled as he farted.
© Copyright Philip Barton 8 July 2008. All rights reserved
Buying clothes for your wife is unwise.
It’s not a duty a man should discharge.
But when those days come,
And you’re forced to succumb,
Never buy Extra Large.
No matter what your eyes see.
Though it means a trip back to the Mall.
Pretend she’s petite,
But do keep the receipt,
And always buy Extra Small.
© Copyright Philip Barton, August 7th, 2025, All rights reserved
In this planet’s master plan,
Some virgin space god put.
And in that land, the hand of man,
Must never set a foot.
© Copyright Philip Barton 16 May 2018. All rights reserved
