Sylvia the milkmaid,

was always carrying pails.

Such a lovely, pretty face

but oh what horrid nails.

© Copyright Don Fawkes 2025. All rights reserved

Just how wet
Would your bottom get
If you flushed whilst sitting down?
Could you really try
To stay high and dry
Or would you get sucked in and drown?

 

© Copyright Philip Barton December 12^th, 2019. All rights reserved.

My wife texted “I’ll call you shortly”.
Oh how the mighty do fall.
I may be a trifle portly,
But I used to be thought of as tall.

 

© Philip Barton April 4^th, 2021. All rights reserved.

Putting on my underpants,

Wriggle, wriggle, wriggle.

Positioning is critical,

Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle.

 

Strutting down the street I go,

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle.

Forgot to put my trousers on,

Giggle, giggle, giggle.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton 2019 All rights reserved

A cold and horrid day it was
It gusted wind and rain.
The storm had raged for hours
And I longed for sun again.

My wife stared through the window,
Her voice drowned by the din.
I think I should unlock the door
And let her come back in.

© Copyright Philip Barton June 13, 2023. All rights reserved.

Click to see this ditty read live by Philip on youtube – https://youtu.be/skCDk7wd-vc

Huge herds of wild elephants go flying in the sky.
People rarely get to see them as they’re famously quite shy.
They’re clever and they paint themselves to camouflage their flight.
Blue with white spots just like clouds to keep them out of sight.

A place for all and all in place, tails poised in expectation,
They pack their trunks, then flap their ears and flutter in formation.
One day I’m going to see them and I’ll look until they’re found.
They must be somewhere flying because they’re nowhere on the ground.

© Copyright Philip Barton, May 5th 2023 – All rights reserved

Click to see Philip read this ditty live on youtube – https://youtu.be/9X5VtbSassY

Eyes swelled and protruded,
Tongue limp and extruded,
His face told the tale of the toll.

Loquacious, bodacious,
His patience fugacious,
He’d swallowed the dictionary whole.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, October 16, 2021. All rights reserved.

Click to see Philip read this ditty live on youtube – https://youtu.be/86quLqlPxQc

 

He bought a guitar and he strummed,
But he wasn’t much good so he drummed.
A complete utter loss,
He was given the toss,
So he sat in the corner and hummed.

© Copyright Philip Barton February 27, 2022. All rights reserved.

Click to see this ditty read live by Philip on youtube https://youtu.be/fMS8IpW6ov8

The apocalypse is here,
Time to say a prayer.
Mayhem, carnage, fear.
Whatever will I wear?

 

© Copyright Philip Barton March 13^th, 2022. All rights reserved.