It was the longest chip in the world,
This record would take some beating.
It was coming out of his bottom,
Before he’d finished eating.

© Copyright Philip Barton January 18^th, 2018. All rights reserved.

When lions and tigers prowl around
And hungrily try to find me.
I quickly climb the nearest tree
And pull up the trunk behind me.

©Copyright Philip Barton 1st July 2021. All rights reserved.

There is a place for everything
And all things have a place.
Remember, always keep your tongue
Securely in your face.

Don’t place it in your pocket
As your trousers might get wet.
It’s always safe to hold your tongue
But later, not just yet.

It’s important that you mind your tongue,
So check once every week.
Open wide and look inside.
Is your tongue in cheek?

© Copyright Philip Barton, December 26th, 2010– All rights reserved

Click to see this ditty read live by Philip on youtube – https://youtu.be/KwRALxRln8c

Mice often live in freezers,
Where ice cream tubs are placed.
They eat with silver tweezers,
And are gourmets in their taste.

Pristine, white and frilly
Serviettes adorn their throats.
It’s really rather chilly,
Which is why they wear fur coats.

© Philip Barton February 26^th, 2024. All rights reserved.

(Click to see this ditty read live by Philip on youtube – https://youtu.be/YTdFt5ZJuoA)

Brushing teeth is very good,
On this you can rely.
Most children know this, as they should,
But many don’t know why.

It keeps it nice and clean up there,
And that’s okay I suppose.
But so would brushing anywhere
And you wouldn’t brush your nose.

No, when teeth are brushed they sparkle
And glow within your head.
So with your mouth wide open
You can read at night in bed.

I’m writing up my will
And I think you’ll be happy to see
That I’m being extremely sensible
And leaving it all to me.

© Copyright Philip Barton 10 March 2018. All rights reserved.

A fly sat upon my lethargic limb
And considered the nature of death.
I believe I heard emit from him,
“Such is life” with his final breath.

© Copyright Philip Barton May 30, 2023. All rights reserved.

(Click this link to see Philip read this ditty live on youtube – https://youtu.be/bJPdaeQAerw )

A tough and rugged giant
Opened beer cans with his teeth.
His designer concrete trousers
Had barbed wire underneath.

People trembled at his footstep,
His presence hushed a room.
People wondered who he was,
And was it who or was it whom?

Reading on the Richter scale,
No fancy fop was he.
For no one ever saw this male
Put milk into his tea.

© Copyright Philip Barton March 16, 2021. All rights reserved.

Click to see Philip read this ditty live on youtube – https://youtu.be/Mr8r7wIlQfM

I’ll tell you something funny,
I used to have a life.
I also had some money,
But I swapped them for a wife.

© Copyright Philip Barton, May 28, 2021. All rights reserved.

(Click to see Philip read this ditty live on youtube – https://youtu.be/cG95_Cm85XU