Beware, young man,

The ample bust,

That splendid, sinful vision.

It lures the weak to lust,

And the chaste to indecision.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, 2010. All rights reserved

The etiquette of cutlery
Is not the science of rockets.
Place them in the proper hands
And not within your pockets.

© Copyright Philip Barton, 2010. All rights reserved

He stretched his legs and flexed his arms

And nimbly bent and twisted.

He doubled over back to front,

Sure foot and supple-wristed.

The crowd was awed and silent,

But then they stood and cheered

As he waved and with a flourish

Up his bottom disappeared.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, 2010. All rights reserved

The Queen has sacked the servants

And is moving soon to Dallas

You can’t get good help anymore,

They just don’t know their palace.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, 2010. All rights reserved

I’m absolutely definite

That I’m really not too sure.

I’m even more or less in doubt

Whether less is really more.

 

It seems that life is relative,

An ambiguous, veiled curtain.

I do though know,

And boldly state it so,

That indecisiveness is certain.

 

The concept of infinity

Is a theory that’s extreme.

Black and white,

And day and night,

Are not always what they seem.

 

If everything’s a shade of grey

And straight lines really bend,

Then I have to start to wonder,

Is this the beginning,

Or the end?

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, 2010. All rights reserved

As a young lad in New Zealand

Ewes were all that I could find.

But then when I grew older

Ewes were always on my mind.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, 2010. All rights reserved

I was born in February ‘46,

A baby like no other.

The doctor stared,

Then raised his hand

And soundly smacked

My Mother.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, 2010. All rights reserved

Something really lumpy

Was rolling in my shoe.

What followed then was rather strange,

But absolutely true.

I took my shoe and shook it,

And hoped the stone would go.

Imagine how I felt

When on the ground out fell my toe.

 

Things quickly went from bad to worse,

My feet came off as well.

I simply went to pieces

And my face and spirits fell.

I calmed myself and placed my feet

Securely in one hand.

Unfortunately, my arms fell off

Just when I went to stand.

 

Well, then I really panicked,

And shook with foolish fears.

The trembling made my legs fall off

And then my nose and ears.

Bits of me were everywhere

All jumbled and diverse.

But I pulled myself together,

Things really could be worse.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, 2010. All rights reserved

Today I fell in to a hole,

A hole I didn’t see.

It lay there right beneath my nose,

I fell in on one knee.

The other quickly followed,

It usually tags along.

And there my nose and knees and me

Sit wondering what went wrong.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, 2010. All rights reserved