Some ate onions,

Some ate beans,

Some ate them both together.

Those thunder bottoms roared and raged,

Their carbon changed the weather.

© Copyright Philip Barton 1 July 2021. All rights reserved.

Teaching children to walk

Is not as easy as it sounds.

Training is the key

To avoid them hitting grounds.

Tie string to their right thumb,

Then to their left big toe.

Another string from right big toe

To the other thumb should go.

Then when each foot goes forward,

A hand goes forward too,

Thus arms and legs are synchronised,

Though obvious – who knew?

Don’t get the string all mixed up

Or they’ll hop like kangaroos.

It gets harder when they get a job

And have to wear some shoes.

© Copyright Philip Barton, July 3rd, 2025. All rights reserved

Inside out,

And upside down,

He lacked all natural graces.

Back to front,

From toe to heads,

A man of many faces.

© Copyright Philip Barton, July 2nd. All rights reserved

Sitting here at 3am,

A ditty in my head.

I really need to pull it out

And get back into bed.

But nothing is forthcoming,

It scampers vague and fleeting.

Toying with my artistry,

Emerging then retreating.

Ah, here it is at last.

Oh no, now it’s gone once more.

It fell out of my nose

And now I’ve lost it on the floor.

© Copyright Philip Barton, July 3rd, 2025. All rights reserved

I’m going to change my ways,

Assert myself – be bold.

Push out beyond the limits,

Before I get too old.

I’ll risk it all out on a limb

No venture is no gain.

I’ll be a man of certainty,

And take the risk of pain.

Decisiveness and strength of mind,

A forked road in my life.

When I’ve cooked the dinner,

I’ll run it past my wife.

© Copyright Philip Barton, June 28th, 2025. All rights reserved

Keep one foot on each leg,

And then you’ll know just where you stand.

With one arm on each shoulder,

You’ll be there to lend a hand.

But be careful with those hands

As they can sap a real man’s strength.

Total trust is ill-advised,

So keep them at arm’s length.

© Copyright Philip Barton, June 27th, 2025. All Rights Reserved

It all began with chewing gum,

Stuck behind his ears.

The implications grew profound

Before too many years.

He had one ear lobe pierced,

To be used for toothpick storing.

It appealed to intellectuals,

Not the dull and frankly boring.

Next the other ear lobe

Saw hangers on display.

Spare shirts and jackets hung there.

In a smart yet casual way.

And soon it all went viral,

Beyond his friends and peers.

A new trend swirled around the world

For Botox enhanced ears.

© Copyright Philip Barton, June 22nd, 2025. All Rights Reserved

Lonely on the page it sat,

A ditty lacking peal.

No one laughed

Till ditty read,

Trump’s ‘Art of the Deal’.

Now he is a winner,

Not a ditty ignoramus.

He moves and grooves

As it behooves

One mingling with the famous.

Invites come from everywhere,

A PA works the phone.

He puts his feet up

On the desk,

A ditty in the zone.

© Copyright Philip Barton, July 3rd, 2025. All rights reserved

This was the year that was not the year
I repaired the bathroom tap
and emptied out the kitchen drawer
of a lifetime’s worth of crap.

This was the year that was not the year
in which I launched a new career.
A West End hit eluded me
as did Time Person of the Year.

This was the year that was not the year
I became a household name.
Action figures were not sold of me.
I wasn’t made a dame.

This was the year that was not the year
I spent less time on my phone.
Nights of passion did not happen
in boutique hotels in Rome.

This was the year that was the year
I didn’t get that much done –
much the same as the year before,
much like the one to come.

© Copyright Brian Bilston 12/03/24. All rights reserved.