A crocodile, an elephant and a whale

Will be recycled, I have a hunch,

Into a handbag and some chopsticks,

And a Japanese businessman’s lunch.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, 2010. All rights reserved

I am always early

While my wife is always late.

This way we’re always just in time

And never have to wait.

 

I wake early, she wakes late

So the days are not too long.

I stay awake, she goes to sleep,

She’s right, I’m always wrong.

 

We sleep as one in separate beds

And never seem to fight.

She talks a lot, I hold my tongue,

She spends a lot, I’m tight.

 

So all in all we’re quite content,

Well balanced in our ways.

We’re very, very happy,

But it’s just on different days.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, 2010. All rights reserved

No tissue means your nose will drip

Or worse, begin to block.

So here’s a lack of tissue tip,

Discreetly use your sock.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, 2010. All rights reserved

A new survey tends to the view,

Both startling, yet arguably true,

That the opinions of precisely fifty percent

Are believed by one out of two.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, 2010. All rights reserved

Discretion is a virtue,

That’s rather useful too.

It means that you won’t tell on them,

If they won’t tell on you.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, 2010. All rights reserved

I’ve been lying here for hours,

It’s like my life has gone on hold.

The heating isn’t working

And I’m really deathly cold.

There isn’t much of anything,

No pictures on the wall,

No games to play, no bowls of fruit,

A room that’s much too small.

They slide me in and slide me out,

And all I’ve got’s a sheet.

They covered up my head,

But then forgot about my feet.

The service here is terrible,

I haven’t got a bell,

And the other people in the ward,

Really don’t look well.

I told a nurse I couldn’t sleep

And asked her for a pill.

She turned so white, I got a fright.

I wonder if she’s ill?

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, 2010. All rights reserved

It’s never good to bite your nails

As a bad impression lingers

But if you must, and all else fails,

Restrict it to your fingers.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, 2010 All rights reserved

Some mozzies bit me
On the bottom.
I quickly smacked me,
Think I got’em.

© Philip Barton January 12^th, 2022. All rights reserved.

I read the children stories,
It sure beats counting sheep,
And sure enough, before too long
My leg falls fast asleep.

 

© Philip Barton November 11^th, 2020. All rights reserved.