Author name: Philip Barton

I’ve been lying here for hours,

It’s like my life has gone on hold.

The heating isn’t working

And I’m really deathly cold.

There isn’t much of anything,

No pictures on the wall,

No games to play, no bowls of fruit,

A room that’s much too small.

They slide me in and slide me out,

And all I’ve got’s a sheet.

They covered up my head,

But then forgot about my feet.

The service here is terrible,

I haven’t got a bell,

And the other people in the ward,

Really don’t look well.

I told a nurse I couldn’t sleep

And asked her for a pill.

She turned so white, I got a fright.

I wonder if she’s ill?

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, 2010. All rights reserved

It’s never good to bite your nails

As a bad impression lingers

But if you must, and all else fails,

Restrict it to your fingers.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, 2010 All rights reserved

Some mozzies bit me
On the bottom.
I quickly smacked me,
Think I got’em.

© Philip Barton January 12^th, 2022. All rights reserved.

Putting on my underpants,

Wriggle, wriggle, wriggle.

Positioning is critical,

Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle.

 

Strutting down the street I go,

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle.

Forgot to put my trousers on,

Giggle, giggle, giggle.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton 2019 All rights reserved

A lifeless, woolly cardigan
Laid waste by fickle fates
Lies flattened on the road
Bound for the plain and pearly gates.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton February 20^th, 2025. All rights reserved.

It was the longest chip in the world,
This record would take some beating.
It was coming out of his bottom,
Before he’d finished eating.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton January 18^th, 2018. All rights reserved.