Author name: Philip Barton

It’s International Naughty Day.

We do things reprehensible.

A ditty deed to do dis day,

Is write one that is sensible.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, December 21st, 2020. All rights reserved

It’s good to keep your body parts

In proper shape and trim.

Wash your feet and shave your legs,

But not if you’re a him.

 

Brush your nails, but not until

Your ears are all picked clean.

No one knows about your nose,

We’ll leave that sight unseen.

 

Next your hair and then your teeth

But use a different brush.

It’s no excuse to say that you

Were simply in a rush.

 

Hair hanging from the toothbrush

Is really hard to swallow.

Now its time to empty bowels,

And when I’m done you follow.

 

            © Copyright Philip Barton February 14th, 2008. All rights reserved.

Enough of silly nonsense

About bodies and their parts.

They’re a note of desperation

In a ditty’s fits and starts.

They serve no sense or purpose,

And brighten no one’s day.

So eyes and ears and noses

Please just goeses

On your way.

 

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, March 16th, 2026 All rights reserved

From the shoulder it grew

Soon the floor it will touch.

And an arm too few

Becomes a leg too much.

 

 

© Copyright Philip Barton 26th March 2022. All rights reserved.

My left leg was my favourite,

And though I’ve tried

I can’t forget,

The day she sidled up to me

And caught my eye, and yet,

I knew right from the start

There couldn’t be a love so true.

And sure enough

She broke my heart

And ran off with my shoe.

 

            © Copyright Philip Barton February 8th, 2010. All rights reserved.

Australian politicians,
They gouge but talk of giving.
They’re really like morticians
But they’re burying the living.

 

 © Philip Barton, May 17th, 2026, All rights reserved

It’s the bargain of a lifetime.

It’s hard not to agree.

Buy three new feet,

And to be complete,

Get one new foot for free.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, February 26th, 2026 All rights reserved

I spoke some harsh words to my sausage

As I stood by the stove in one slipper.

Be evenly brown,

You tubby round clown

Or I’ll cast you aside for a kipper.

But as a sausage is prone to do,

It sizzled aloof in the pan. 

I patiently sighed,

And swallowed my pride.

Such is life for the ditty man.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, February 26th, 2026,  All rights reserved

I opened the lid of my washing machine,

And set the sheepskin to hot and deep.

Now farmers beware,

Fluff is everywhere,

So never machine wash your sheep.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton 8th March 2021. All rights reserved.