My wife is most invaluable,
A constant inspiration.
Her nonsense spouts,
Like Brussel sprouts,
In composted elation.
My pages would be empty,
Were I on my own.
My wife empowers,
Her impact towers
Over humour that’s ingrown.
© Copyright Philip Barton, August 16th, 2025. All rights reserved.
A fisherman and a sailor,
Together scrimped and scraped.
They bought some fish and ships shops,
But the fish pies all escaped.
They chased them in a sailing boat,
Through waves of sad goodbyes.
But those pies were never found,
For they were masters of disguise.
That fisherman and the sailor,
Lost their money and the shops.
They turned to ditty writing
For a good man never stops.
© Copyright Philip Barton July 17th 2021. All rights reserved.
She threw all caution to the wind,
And rushed the coffee store.
Give me caffeine now, she screamed,
A double shot, or more.
Nurse fed her intravenously
Until her mouth was frothy.
Take care to imbibe ceaselessly.
Never miss your coffee.
© Copyright Philip Barton, July 2020. All rights reserved.
Some ate onions,
Some ate beans,
Some ate them both together.
Those thunder bottoms roared and raged,
Their carbon changed the weather.
© Copyright Philip Barton 1 July 2021. All rights reserved.
Teaching children to walk
Is not as easy as it sounds.
Training is the key
To avoid them hitting grounds.
Tie string to their right thumb,
Then to their left big toe.
Another string from right big toe
To the other thumb should go.
Then when each foot goes forward,
A hand goes forward too,
Thus arms and legs are synchronised,
Though obvious – who knew?
Don’t get the string all mixed up
Or they’ll hop like kangaroos.
It gets harder when they get a job
And have to wear some shoes.
© Copyright Philip Barton, July 3rd, 2025. All rights reserved
Inside out,
And upside down,
He lacked all natural graces.
Back to front,
From toe to heads,
A man of many faces.
© Copyright Philip Barton, July 2nd. All rights reserved
Sitting here at 3am,
A ditty in my head.
I really need to pull it out
And get back into bed.
But nothing is forthcoming,
It scampers vague and fleeting.
Toying with my artistry,
Emerging then retreating.
Ah, here it is at last.
Oh no, now it’s gone once more.
It fell out of my nose
And now I’ve lost it on the floor.
© Copyright Philip Barton, July 3rd, 2025. All rights reserved
I’m going to change my ways,
Assert myself – be bold.
Push out beyond the limits,
Before I get too old.
I’ll risk it all out on a limb
No venture is no gain.
I’ll be a man of certainty,
And take the risk of pain.
Decisiveness and strength of mind,
A forked road in my life.
When I’ve cooked the dinner,
I’ll run it past my wife.
© Copyright Philip Barton, June 28th, 2025. All rights reserved
Keep one foot on each leg,
And then you’ll know just where you stand.
With one arm on each shoulder,
You’ll be there to lend a hand.
But be careful with those hands
As they can sap a real man’s strength.
Total trust is ill-advised,
So keep them at arm’s length.
© Copyright Philip Barton, June 27th, 2025. All Rights Reserved