Ditty

My favourite word is ‘tweezers’

And odd to say, but true,

If you say it quite a lot of times

You’ll come to love it too.

 

            © Copyright Philip Barton December 1st, 2009 All rights reserved

Jolly Richard, the office pirate,

Fumbles with a folder.

Golly Jolly who’s that polly,

Sitting on your shoulder?

That m’hearty is the Captain,

Bold and free and brave.

He dares to go where no man’s been,

Humankind to save.

 

His letter opener, razor sharp.

He fights the fight to win.

Slashing here, tongue lashing there,

And leading with his chin.

Captain Polly’s a cut above,

Your average multinationals,

He’ll fight the fight with young and old

Poltroons and blind irrationals.

 

The fights are savage, letters rage,

And damn the cost of stamps

His feathers ruffled, bloodied brow,

And cursed writer’s cramps.

But though battles still are loyally joined

Jolly Richard’s wise and older,

And sometimes wonders about the Captain,

Perched upon his shoulder.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton 14/9/01 All rights reserved

 

Never talk whilst you are eating.

Avoid a mouth that’s open wide.

And never use a shiny spoon

To try and look inside.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton August 3rd, 2003 All rights reserved

His drive for fame and fortune,

Was all he’d ever known.

He set the new world record,

For staring at a phone.

 

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, January 30th, 2026, All rights reserved

A Jewish magician

With a lot of ambition

Said ‘hey presto’

Let’s see you beat that.

With a wave and a flourish

And an ego to nourish

He pulled a Rabbi

Right out of his hat.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton Jun 6th 2006. All rights reserved.

I read until my eyes spin round

Then plop out squishy on the ground.

And then there’s nothing can be read

Until they’re poked back in my head.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton 12th May 2011. All rights reserved

My fingers have a memory

They type words on their own.

I never know what’s coming

From my metacarpal bone.

Up and down,

A motion blurred,

And light, just like a feather.

If only they could talk

Then I could shut down altogether.

 

            © Copyright Philip Barton September 4th, 2008. All rights reserved.

One day in a splendid endeavour,

He tried much too hard to be clever.

He talked such a lot

His tongue tied in a knot,

And silence reigned forever.

 

© Copyright. Philip Barton May 27th, 2010 All rights reserved

My star is rising
What can be next?
Oscars? Nobel? Man Booker?
For adulation
I confess
I’m really quite a sucker.

(Please read this ditty with an Irish accent and you’ll hear the rhyme work!)

© Copyright Chris Hayden 13th February 2026. All rights reserved.