Author name: Philip Barton

From the shoulder it grew

Soon the floor it will touch.

And an arm too few

Becomes a leg too much.

 

 

© Copyright Philip Barton 26th March 2022. All rights reserved.

My left leg was my favourite,

And though I’ve tried

I can’t forget,

The day she sidled up to me

And caught my eye, and yet,

I knew right from the start

There couldn’t be a love so true.

And sure enough

She broke my heart

And ran off with my shoe.

 

            © Copyright Philip Barton February 8th, 2010. All rights reserved.

Australian politicians,
They gouge but talk of giving.
They’re really like morticians
But they’re burying the living.

 

 © Philip Barton, May 17th, 2026, All rights reserved

It’s the bargain of a lifetime.

It’s hard not to agree.

Buy three new feet,

And to be complete,

Get one new foot for free.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, February 26th, 2026 All rights reserved

I spoke some harsh words to my sausage

As I stood by the stove in one slipper.

Be evenly brown,

You tubby round clown

Or I’ll cast you aside for a kipper.

But as a sausage is prone to do,

It sizzled aloof in the pan. 

I patiently sighed,

And swallowed my pride.

Such is life for the ditty man.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, February 26th, 2026,  All rights reserved

I opened the lid of my washing machine,

And set the sheepskin to hot and deep.

Now farmers beware,

Fluff is everywhere,

So never machine wash your sheep.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton 8th March 2021. All rights reserved.

Stout-hearted Captain Yesterday

Flew through the day and night.

His manly shape and trailing cape

Gave all the dull a fright.

Stout-waisted and irrelevant

Was where his journey ended.

It is the fate of all who fly,

But getting there is splendid.

 

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, March 26th, 2023. All rights reserved.

My wife says I repeat myself,

Although it isn’t true.

My wife says I repeat myself.

And I said, so do you.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, 11th April 2023. All rights reserved

Molly became famous.

Well known both near and far.

Her funeral was as befits

An Influencer star.

 

There wasn’t much to bury,

Just some hair and bits of nose.

It almost filled a matchbox,

(Though they later found some toes.)

 

The legend says she fought back hard,

With Escals bashed and battered.

They made a charge, she charged right back,

Those Escals broke and scattered.

 

But in the end the numbers told,

And Molly met her fate.

Best avoid those angry beasts

And never escalate.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, December 3rd, 2024. All rights reserved