Yesterday I ran so fast
I passed me in the street.
My speed so vast I whizzed right past
We should have stopped to meet.
And whilst I really need me near,
Together not a pair.
It did seem best that you stayed here
And I stayed over there.
And so I left me far behind,
But somewhere in my heart,
I know that deep within my mind,
I’ll never really part.
© Copyright Philip Barton July 26th, 2002. All rights reserved.
Silliness takes discipline,
A total dedication.
It’s not just merely theory,
But holistic application.
It’s more than being silly,
It’s sounding silly too.
You’re really only silly
When you’re silly through and through.
In your bearing, what you’re wearing,
In your posture and your eyes.
When you’re really, really silly
People wonder if you’re wise.
© Copyright Philip Barton October 22nd, 2002. All rights reserved.
I lost my only trousers,
Then I found them on my legs.
How on earth they got there
Is the question that it begs.
My underwear went missing.
Flights of fancy set them free.
They turned up in my trousers
When I went to take a pee.
Socks astray is just a way
Of life they seem to choose.
I found them, one on every foot,
And stuffed within some shoes.
And now my shirt has gone,
But it was there not long ago.
I know I saw it recently,
But where I just don’t know.
I’ve decided that I’ll go to bed,
So I get myself undressed.
I’ll find it in the morning
When I’ve had a good night’s rest.
© Copyright Philip Barton, August 3rd, 2025 All rights reserved
There are manifold ways
Of picking one’s nose.
The dull use their fingers,
The dexterous, their toes.
The Illuminati way?
Well nobody knows.
So King Charles is never seen
Picking his nose.
© Copyright Philip Barton, June 13th, 2021, All rights reserved
Oh give me a home,
Where a wife doesn’t roam,
And the bills are all easy to pay.
Where seldom is heard,
A derogatory word,
And it’s peaceful and quiet all day.
© Copyright Philip Barton, July 24th, 2025, All rights reserved
His shadow caused a tremor
As he strode the local street.
A tougher man there never was
Than one-eyed, two-nosed Pete.
They shuddered as he stopped,
Then they turned their backs and quivered.
His famous sneeze caused quite a breeze.
Hundreds wiped and shivered.
© Copyright Philip Barton, February 6th, 2026, All rights reserved
My toes are very close
And no matter what the weather,
They’re always side by side.
They just like to be together.
No matter where we are,
They’re usually to be found,
At the bottom of my legs,
On my feet stood on the ground.
They’re opposite my nose,
Like a polar north and south,
Which ensures they never end up
In my ears or in my mouth.
© Copyright Philip Barton, February 11th, 2026, All rights reserved
My English soars over her head.
Her German meets the brain of a feather.
There were tensions, no really,
So we switched to Swahili.
And now we stare blankly together.
© Copyright Philip Barton, August 18th, 2025 All rights reserved
Bomber Trump pontificates.
A man of rest in peace.
His boasting knows no bounds.
His theatrics never cease.
The gaping mouths of Neocons
Are filled with both their feet.
Such an altitude of nonsense
Makes it tricky to compete.
© Copyright Philip Barton, March 14th, 2026 All rights reserved
