Author name: Philip Barton

Oh give me a home,

Where a wife doesn’t roam,

And the bills are all easy to pay.

Where seldom is heard,

A derogatory word,

And it’s peaceful and quiet all day.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, July 24th, 2025,  All rights reserved

His shadow caused a tremor

As he strode the local street.

A tougher man there never was

Than one-eyed, two-nosed Pete.

They shuddered as he stopped,

Then they turned their backs and quivered.

His famous sneeze caused quite a breeze.

Hundreds wiped and shivered.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, February 6th, 2026,  All rights reserved

My toes are very close

And no matter what the weather,

They’re always side by side.

They just like to be together.

No matter where we are,

They’re usually to be found,

At the bottom of my legs,

On my feet stood on the ground.

They’re opposite my nose,

Like a polar north and south,

Which ensures they never end up

In my ears or in my mouth.

 

©  Copyright Philip Barton, February 11th, 2026, All rights reserved

My English soars over her head.

Her German meets the brain of a feather.

There were tensions, no really,

So we switched to Swahili.

And now we stare blankly together.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, August 18th, 2025 All rights reserved

Bomber Trump pontificates.

A man of rest in peace.

His boasting knows no bounds.

His theatrics never cease.

The gaping mouths of Neocons

Are filled with both their feet.

Such an altitude of nonsense

Makes it tricky to compete.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, March 14th, 2026  All rights reserved

A tiger ate the ice cream,

And all the jelly too.

Then he ate the birthday boy,

And passed him out as poo.

 

©  Copyright Philip Barton, July 1st, 2021. All rights reserved

This is a public announcement,

To answer a deluge of bile,

No ditty from

A-Ditty-A-Day

Was ever on Epstein’s isle.

 

Ditty never met Epstein.

Such suggestions are patently flawed.

No case can be made,

Ditty’s morals have strayed.

That’s a photoshopped scurrilous fraud.

 

His nonsense was seriously big.

Our ditty is silly and short.

No flight manifest,

Shows a ditty as guest.

Such a charge would be laughed out of court.

 

Though ditty’s read by _______

And _______ promised discretion.

Our ditty never touched _______,

And _______ didn’t make a confession.

 

Our ditty’s aloof from such foibles.

It’s important our readers know,

That despite sex appeal

And reading Art Of The Deal,

He’s as pure as the driven snow.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, March 11th, 2026 All rights reserved

Inside out,

And upside down,

He lacked all natural graces.

Back to front,

From toe to heads,

A man of many faces.

 

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, July 2nd, 2025  All rights reserved

I wanted to write like Shakespeare.

Be seen as a notable scholar.

Artistically gifted, 

Not a chancer who drifted,

Just scratching around for a dollar.

A wordsmith of worldwide renown.

A serious scribe for the ages.

But my mouth fills with spit,

Cause my teeth just don’t fit,

And I dribble all over the pages.

 

© Copyright Philip Barton, February 6th, 2026 All rights reserved