One haughty eyebrow raised,
Sartorially remiss.
What over-bearing, under-wearing
Type of chap was this?
© Copyright Philip Barton, August 9th, 2025. All rights reserved
A tribute to the legendary Englishman Martin Langdon who turned up at Krysi O’Hara’s wedding in Darwin wearing nothing except tiger skin patterned underwear. Krysi spluttered indignantly – “It was my wedding and it wasn’t even clean underwear!”
Move your feet, she said.
Jawohl meine dearest Fräu.
So now I wear them on my arms.
It works for me somehow.
Walking is quite different,
And does attract attention.
Though unworthy of a ditty plot,
It does deserve a mention.
© Copyright Philip Barton, August 7th, 2025. All rights reserved
Clean underwear is tricky
When you’re travelling, no doubt.
So when you’re caught,
With knickers short,
Just turn them inside out.
© Copyright Philip Barton, August 18th, 2025. All rights reserved
My wife is most invaluable,
A constant inspiration.
Her nonsense spouts,
Like Brussel sprouts,
In composted elation.
My pages would be empty,
Were I on my own.
My wife empowers,
Her impact towers
Over humour that’s ingrown.
© Copyright Philip Barton, August 16th, 2025. All rights reserved.
A fisherman and a sailor,
Together scrimped and scraped.
They bought some fish and ships shops,
But the fish pies all escaped.
They chased them in a sailing boat,
Through waves of sad goodbyes.
But those pies were never found,
For they were masters of disguise.
That fisherman and the sailor,
Lost their money and the shops.
They turned to ditty writing
For a good man never stops.
© Copyright Philip Barton July 17th 2021. All rights reserved.
She threw all caution to the wind,
And rushed the coffee store.
Give me caffeine now, she screamed,
A double shot, or more.
Nurse fed her intravenously
Until her mouth was frothy.
Take care to imbibe ceaselessly.
Never miss your coffee.
© Copyright Philip Barton, July 2020. All rights reserved.
Some ate onions,
Some ate beans,
Some ate them both together.
Those thunder bottoms roared and raged,
Their carbon changed the weather.
© Copyright Philip Barton 1 July 2021. All rights reserved.
Teaching children to walk
Is not as easy as it sounds.
Training is the key
To avoid them hitting grounds.
Tie string to their right thumb,
Then to their left big toe.
Another string from right big toe
To the other thumb should go.
Then when each foot goes forward,
A hand goes forward too,
Thus arms and legs are synchronised,
Though obvious – who knew?
Don’t get the string all mixed up
Or they’ll hop like kangaroos.
It gets harder when they get a job
And have to wear some shoes.
© Copyright Philip Barton, July 3rd, 2025. All rights reserved
Inside out,
And upside down,
He lacked all natural graces.
Back to front,
From toe to heads,
A man of many faces.
© Copyright Philip Barton, July 2nd. All rights reserved
